I decided about two years ago to look into gastric bypass surgery or some sort of bariatric surgery. I knew I would need to seek some sort of psychological support, so I saw a therapist for compulsive overeating. I was a lot thinner…once. I lost 100 pounds…once. Then I got hurt on the job and the weight started to go on. That was 11 years ago. Counseling was good. I had some real breakthroughs and after my therapist left for warmer climes, I decided it was time to move forward.
I want to use this blog as a diary of sorts, as I go through this process. Perhaps it will offer some comfort or assistance to others in the same boat. Perhaps it will serve only me. I have no idea. What I do know is that after 10 days of eating a 1300-calorie a day diabetic diet, I was craving the hell out of a pizza tonight. I called my mother, who happened to be at a pizza place, to talk me off the ledge. After a half hour, I got what I was really looking for, I think: permission to order a pizza. I realized that the problem was that I didn’t have a firm meal plan for the evening. I have the groceries in the house. It was a lack of a plan. I’m reminded of the old saying “Nobody plans to fail; they only fail to plan.” Bingo.
I still ordered the pizza and I feel awful. I’ll pay for it later with a jump in weight, or acid reflux tonight. I’ll feel guilt and shame, and hopefully I’ll get back on track tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, hopefully I’ll have a chance to talk about the folks at the weight loss center and how I got there.