Could it be?

Could it be that I have not posted in over a month, while both of you readers have been clamoring for more?  A thousand apologies!  To say it’s been busy would be an understatement.  Where to begin…

I had reached a plateau weight-wise.  My dietician told be to maybe add some calories, so I added more protein to the menu, and it seemed to jump start the weight loss. I’ll be honest, I’d love to be further down in numbers, but I keep self-sabotaging because I’m spending more time on the road.  I know, I know..I need to plan for that and make adjustments.  I do, and then I see those golden arches and I’m McScrewing myself.McSick

The nurse practitioner seems pleased with my progress.  She keeps asking me when my surgery is ballpark for, and I tell her September/October, because my insurance company seems to be fairly surly and unapproachable on this subject. I’ve registered in United Healthcare’s “center of excellence” program, and while Portsmouth Hospital is not one of their centers of excellence, it is in network, which is akin to not having Ebola, but a slight case of Zika instead.  In other words, to them, I suck but I don’t suck as much as the guy who is going to Bob’s Weight Loss Clinic of Duluth or something.

I have finished my behavioral health classes, which were great, and so now have the dietician and NP visits every month or so, labs, which I got done today, and a few other tests, then a short class a few weeks prior to the surgery, and I will attend the monthly pre-op support groups because I like them.  I kept saying if I lost all the weight I would;t get the surgery, but with the acid reflux, I feel like I have to.  That and separating my brain from my stomach are the two biggest draws.  Not to worry – I am not going to lose all the weight (see paragraph 2).  Think About It

I am going to buy a bicycle, a hybrid mountain bike.  Dick’s has a nice Diamondback I like for under $500.  If I can find the recommended model I read about in an online magazine, I may go to a bike shop to see of they have it or will order it.  A few more weeks and I’m on it.  Medically, my back has been giving me all kinds of trouble.  The lower back, on either side of the spine, out to the middle of either half of my back.  It’s almost debilitating.  I really need to see a chiropractor unless one of you has better advice (that is my plea to you to tell me what you think).  I got a FitBit a week or so ago, and it has already got me hooked.  We had a fire drill at work today, and my first thought was not, I wonder of this is actually a drill?”  No, it was, “Awesome!  I get to add some steps AND some stairs!!”  That is the right kind of thinking.  I unintentionally did 4 miles last weekend on my walk, and posted my best times per mile.  The times kept dropping with each successive mile.  I loved it.  I’m using the Map My Walk app, and I listen to Nikki Glazer’s Not Safe podcast, which is a riot, and lasts for just the amount of time I am supposed to be out.Dick's

That’s it of tonight, I think.  It’s late, my thoughts are scattered because I am writing a song and lyrics keep running through my head.  That’s my sign that it’s time to head upstairs, put the floor AC unit in and hit the hay.  Next time I will discuss the misnamed sleep study I took at the beginning of the month.

Questions?

Is my fall a fail?

It feels like it’s been a million years. Not that I haven’t had anything to say; I just haven’t had the time to say it.  I’ve read elsewhere school has been crazy for people.  It’s been crazy for me too.  Thing is, I’m in too deep to quit now.At the bottom looking up

Along the weight loss narrative, I’ve met with the staff psychologist, who is an ex-Air Force vet and I really like him.  It was a quick one hour session to sort of point me in the right direction behaviorally.  He says that in order for weight loss surgery to be effective for the patient, they MUST make changes in their behaviors surrounding food and coping. Sounds pretty simple, right?  It isn’t.

I met with the dietician, which I may have written about.  Hydrate, add protein shakes.  400 calories for meals, 200 calories for snacks.  Something every two hours.  She’s nice but I wouldn’t want to cross her.Angry Woman

I met with the physical therapist, who only needed me for one pre-op visit.  She said because I have physical issues, all I need to do is walk, not for distance, but for time.  45 minutes, 5 times a day.  That’s been really hard.  I’ve been fighting migraines for a week now, and yesterday it finally won.  It made me sick for the first time, gave me vertigo for the first time ever, and strangely, made me eat, probably because I was so stressed about it.  I was worried it might be a vitamin deficiency.  I even stayed home from work because I was still feeling the effects of it this morning.  The good news is the I meet with the neurologist next week and can discuss it further with him then.Migraine

I’ve gone to a pre-op support group. That was interesting.  I am really not used to saying this at all, but I felt like I was being judged for being the skinniest one in the room.  It’s all relative, of course, but man did I feel out of place.  It was great though.  There were panels, questions from the audience, the psychologist was there, the dietician, and several former surgical patients to talk about their experiences.  It’s nice to know that we will get through this.

I also went to the first of 5 behavioral classes put on by the psychologist.  That too was good.  It wasn’t an hour and a half where they just read the book to you.  It was practical, it was useful, it was interactive, and I got lots of good information.I learned that y responsibility throughout this process is to keep on track regardless of what is going on around me.  I need to control my own environment.  I need to have confidence I can keep the weight off.  Dr. W talked about flight sim training for pilots, and how when they go inside, the people running the sim ill throw one thing in to knock them off kilter, then another, then another.  They make failure a virtual guarantee.  Why?  Because (and here is the take-away) smooth sailing is not your friend.  We need to learn how to course correct on our own.  Having everything go right is not the way to get that done.  We need to face the challenges in order to overcome them.  Finally, we cannot view our FALLS as FAILS.  We just need to chalk it up to experience and move on, like when Tom Brady throws a rare interception (not a word from you haters out there).  He knows he will get another chance to get back out on the field and turn the INT into a TD.  That’s all we’re looking for throughout this surgery process: a win.Brady TD

Lastly, I met with the nurse practitioner today, who is on her way to Hawaii right about now.  That was sort of ho-hum, even though I like her. I got to meet her dog too, which was great.  A 5 year old yellow lab who loves to be played with and pet.  I talked to her about the migraines.  She talked to me about staying hydrated.  It was straightforward, but she did say I am in a really good place.  I weighed in at 275, but I don;t need a lot of the attention most of the others need, medically speaking.  She said she wishes I could get the surgery now.  I told her I really needed the behavioral piece of this because there are parts I am not telling her or anyone.  Like how much I ate out last week and the week before.  How I cut out of there and went to McDonald’s after my visit.  Why?  No idea.  I wasn’t even really hungry.  I guess I just wanted the salty taste of the fries and the mixture of the hamburger and the cheese swirling around my tongue.  It makes me so scared that I am not going to be able to modify my behavior enough to have this surgery be successful.  Apparently not scared enough to stop, though.  McDs Weight

Bada-da-da-daaaaa…